Day 5 of #mayweallheal #shareyourgrief
Never have I felt so isolated after losing Rory.
When a new baby is born you can’t move for well-wishers and visitors, people stopping you to peer into the pram and coo over your baby, baby groups, coffee meet ups, friends – lots of friends.
When your baby dies there are fewer people around, nobody wants to be around the people facing the unspeakable, there is no pram to push, no baby groups to go to and coffee meet ups are awkward and laced with tears. You lose friends, lots of friends.
I take responsibility for some of the isolation. Some days I wasn’t up for mixing with others, some days I couldn’t face meeting up with friends who had more than one child – I certainly didn’t want to meet up with those who had a baby or were pregnant.
2017 was a bumper year for losing friends. I think it was a mixture of being on different paths and us losing patience with those who weren’t there when we needed them. It felt refreshing to be the ones in control and walking away rather than being abandoned.
I said earlier I’d never have I felt so isolated after losing Rory. I missed Henry off of this statement as actually, never have I felt so isolated after losing Henry.
When I lost Rory I found solace in the loss community but when I lost Henry I couldn’t cope with the bumps and babies in that group of friends. Why did their baby get to stay? Where did I do wrong?
Again I lost so many friends, my pain was too much for some and some just really annoyed me. Whilst I have worked hard not to feel isolated in the normal world, the isolation I feel in the loss world is real and sometimes it really fucking hurts.
Isolation sucks and all we need is people to reach out, people to keep asking if we want to join them, people to have a little bit of patience and compassion – now much really.